Oracular Vagina 2 (Jessi Guilford)

Fiction. A sex-change patient recovers from surgery to find herself mute, and vehicle to a truth-telling genetically engineered vagina. World leaders arrive to consult said vagina, and there may also be a wacky neighbor. Companion site to Oracular Vagina Takes Her Place, which no longer exists as such.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

BOB DOLE arrives to consult the VEHICLE, in a way



A public restroom. The VEHICLE is standing in front of a urinal when BOB DOLE, former Senator and Presidential candidate, comes to the urinal next to her.

Dole: You can't do it that way anymore, you know. You're doing it wrong.

[The VEHICLE looks down and sees that she is not holding her penis, that she has no penis. She backs a few feet away from the urinal.]

Dole: Maybe you need one of these. [DOLE holds up a prescription bottle of Viagra.] Make it grow back. So you can pee. [DOLE smiles.]

[The VEHICLE tries to approach DOLE, but winds up walking in place. She looks down and sees that one of her feet is tied to a stuffed pink cat, excessively adorable, with big imploring eyes, in the Disney merchandising tradition. The stuffed animal seems to weigh a ton, seems to be nailed to the floor.]

Dole: You're not doing it right anymore. You need to find help. Maybe you need someone in front of you. Bob Dole would let you aim through Bob Dole's legs.

[DOLE pops one of the blue pills. His pants begin to stretch and tent at the crotch. She can see his penis lengthening as it slowly travels down his pants legs.]

[VEHICLE wakes up in bed, panting. The clock says 3:16 AM. She gets up and goes to the bathroom, then considers whether or not to send MARIE AMIE, one of her friends from before the operation and craziness, a text message by cell phone and thereby risk waking her up.]

EXEUNT